The jetpack has been named by many as the greatest achievement of mankind, and by some as a death-trap pipe dream responsible for more suffering than any disease, ailment, conflict or Canadian pop-vocalist. Each to their own.
Judge for yourself, below are some comments written by some of the greatest men ever to live.
"I attribute my success in life to the jetpack" - Mahatma Gandhi, 1940
"Before jetpacks I had to walk everywhere, now I can't walk, thank you jetpack" - Elvis Presley, 1977
"Holy shit, that guy is on fire, did you see that?" - Abraham Lincoln, 1855
"Jetpack am good!" - Trevor Mcinsley, Just Now
So of course you are now dying to know "How can I build a jetpack for myself?" I shall tell you, and you shall rejoice.
Step 1: Remove the bones from your legs (you are going to lose them soon enough anyway and this will dramatically save on weight).
Step 2: Do some serious research on life insurance and come up with a convincing story as to why you need it (NEVER mention jetpacks).
Step 3: Set aside a large fund to cover your potential damages since insurance policies tend to be full of hidden get out clauses when it comes to jetpack related fatality/homicide. It is also advisable to re-read at least every document at least several times every week (at least) to assure that you have not inadvertently sold your children into slavery, changes like this are often made on the sly (bloody estate agents).
Step 4: Consider what your new name and catchphrase will be eg. Mr Inferno (also 'flame on' whilst kind of cool has been done to death, in some cases literally). Also be aware that there are literally several names that may make you sound like some kind of evil bond character or supervillain when used on television. A good rule of thumb is to consider how the following sentence being read on the news will sound with your name: '[ProposedName] was responsible for the deaths of five people today as well as causing third degree burns to at least a dozen school children and one school bus.'
Step 5: Costume design! This is perhaps the most important step, after all you don't want to be seen flying around in your floral dressing gown. When designing your costume remember that capes, whilst cool, are not overly practical when fire is involved. Also when a rocket is essentially duct taped to your back helmets are about as useful as fire proofing your suit with butter, so keep that in mind, whilst you still can.
Step 6: Build the jetpack, this is actually the easiest step, I find old lemonade bottles filled with lighter fluid a perfect substitute for a fuel tank or 'controlled burning mechanism,' pfft, who needs control when fire is involved. I have said it before and I will say it again: when largely uncontrolled flight is involved fire is really the least of your worries.
Step 7: The test flight, this is usually the shortest part of the process, do not be alarmed if you encounter moderate to severe bleeding during the flight, or more likely after it, this is perfectly natural and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I would give you tips and the like on the correct way of using a jetpack but I am yet to work this out...
Voila! You are now a certified jetpack pilot, after your extensive hospital stay you will be the envy of hundreds of bored commuters as you fly, screaming, overhead and arrive at work before anyone even has time to ask: 'Mummy, why is that man on fire?'
Incidentally if anyone is interested I am selling the movie rights to this idea, I figure it will make a nice feel good kids movie, I mean building a jetpack is no more dangerous than say, taming a dragon.
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